Truth

This post will be brief because I am tired because I have thoroughly exhausted myself staying up and watching Jane Austin movies to divert my mind.

I find as I go through life everyone has their own respective realities. This is a thought I embrace and it makes sense to me. However, this has created a very confusing situation for me. This is the coming together of two scenarios or realities.

Reality 1
When I am alone, or confiding in those I trust, memories come back to haunt me. A horrible feeling comes to my chest and I am exhausted and almost sick. A section of the song Stay Close from the band Fireflight describes this perfectly.
"Can't face the memories
they bend me till I break
Hiding from the past
but it's eating me alive
can't block it out when it's comin' from inside "
I really don't like feeling like this and I try to avoid/hide from it. I have spent years hiding from it. There is ample proof that what has happened is reality and has left scars on me and others in the situation.


Reality 2
I have a very happy supportive family. I do. We have been through our rough patches and none of us are perfect, but my parents first concern is us kids. My mom and dad come to a place I volunteer and met some of the people I work with. One of the men commented we looked like sisters. Of course we both graciously said thank you. As they left mom gave me a huge hug and said she wanted  to squeeze the love into me.

Both situations exist. It feels as though there are two truths. However, the first consistently overshadows the second, causing it to feel like a lie.  After I said thank you to the comment about my mother and I being sisters one of my friends teased me that lying was not a good thing to do. He knows nothing of my current frame of mind and was only joking, but it cut me. I felt guilty because I felt as thought living in that reality, that truth, was a lie. Yet it is a truth for another.

And that, is my confusion.